I have written in a while...
I've had a great summer, and my exams went well. Starting sixth form is great, though already a lot of work.
Unfortunately though, I've been finding things hard. I've never been a dependent person- ever! However, at the moment it seems that when my boyfriend isn't around all I can think of is the horrors of my past.
Imagine not having one of your parents around.
Imagine them not saying goodnight to you before you go to sleep.
Imagine not coming home from school in them.
Imagine the awkwardness when you have to talk about your parents at school.
Imagine never having a hug from them.
Imagine never receiving a present from them, or buying a gift for them.
Imagine never hearing them laugh or sing.
Imagine the emptiness of Father's day/ Mother's day.
Imagine the happy memories that suddenly become painful to remember.
Imagine the idea that they won't be there in the important events in your life.
I don't imagine any of these things; I live them.
Not having my Dad around.
Never having him say goodnight, with our special handshake and everything!
Never having him sat on the sofa watching football when I get home.
Feeling awkward whenever someone mentions the word 'Dad'.
Always wanting just one more hug...
No more cards or presents...
Never hearing him laugh, or to have him sing along with me.
No more happy Father's day; just a visit to the churchyard...
Always seeming to lose a smile when I think of him.
Knowing that, though he spoke of how he couldn't wait to do so, he won't be there to walk me down the aisle.
I think these thoughts every day. Except for when my boyfriend's around.
I hope that if anyone feels this pain, like I do, they find the love of their life and have eternal happiness.
Lonely but loved,
Princess Blogger
xx
